So yesterday I went to the shelter while the kids were at school. The staff wasn't there. I wasn't able to call them first because I don't have a phone right now.
Today is the day we have to have all of our stuff out of the house. I believe the constable is going to be here tomorrow (it's the 10th day) to put all of our stuff on the curb.
I keep believing that this is a message that it's time for me to take the kids and start over. I can't though. I feel terrible leaving. The idea of leaving Will alone feels me with guilt. Why can't I just walk away?
You know - I've been told over and over again that I'm selfish. That I don't love him. That I have no feelings. As a matter of fact, he told me just last night, "Why don't you love me?"
I mean, come on?!?! I'm still here? Doesn't that make you think that maybe I love you? With everything going on I am yet to abandon ship. Even after being told by countless people that I'm being emotionally manipulated.
He's been nice pretty much all week long. Which, of course, he would be, I'm the one getting the assistance for a new place. He can't do it without me. Why wouldn't he want to be nice to me?
I'm going to call some more agencies today but the smart thing to do is just go. I wish I had someone to reach out to who understands my situation. I feel so alone.
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