How long has it been?

How long has it been since I first started this blog? My posts go all the way back to 2015. It's 2019 and I'm 39 years old. I spent almost 10 years in a relationship with a covert narcissist.

He discarded me in the most hateful way you can imagine. I'm still in shock when I think about how nasty it ended.

He started seeing someone new behind my back. He went on dates with her for almost a week before I found out about her. He moved into a new place a week later and they have been a couple ever since.

It was hard a first. I can't even lie. I cried every night and multiple times during the day. I didn't eat and lost 25 pounds. I felt like my heart was being torn from my chest.

It was my blessing. He did me a favor. He actually made me hate him enough to never want to be in a relationship with him again. Which is a good thing! I mean - read through my prior blog posts. There was nothing healthy about the relationship that we have.

And although I miss the person that I thought he was - I am excited for this new chapter in my life.

He has been such a bad father to the kids since we broke up. He sees them sporadically and of course he blames it all on me. He's angry because he has to pay me child support. He sends me degrading messages. If it wasn't for the kids I would block him and be done.

I want to move home to Mississippi. I know that I am in for the fight of my life with him. I have friends and family there and I want to go home. He isn't seeing the kids so it really shouldn't matter how I decide to proceed with my life. It's mine again and I'm so grateful. I will never EVER go back to that mess. This blog and my journals are all the validation I need to remember how awful it was to be with him.

Here's to a beautiful new life filled with amazing people!