I am starting to really see that things in my life are much worse than I initially thought they were.
I have no doubt that there are people in the world who have lives much worse than mine.
That doesn't change the fact that I feel the situation I am currently living in is pretty severe.
I have been controlled and isolated for 8 years. I'm finally standing up and speaking about it.
I changed my Facebook password and even set my Facebook to prevent him from seeing any of my posts.
I thought that changing all of my passwords bought me a little bit of freedom. I was totally wrong about that.
He still found a way to go through my stuff. He found the post I made where I talked about what my life is like.
It was part of a challenge I joined last week. I had to write to someone I admired. I selected Lisa Nichols.
He was really angry when he saw what I wrote.
He felt like I exaggerated. He said I was a victim looking for sympathy.
Several times, when arguing this weekend, he has called me Destini. Destini is my daughter. He called me her name multiple times and told me that I was a liar like her.
The question then is why do I feel it's acceptable to be treated this way?
The answer is - I don't feel its acceptable. I feel that it is highly unacceptable.
I'm just in a position where there is not a ton that I can do to change things.
Money is an issue. I don't have a lot of money right now.
We got evicted from our home in August and things have been rough since then.
I don't have much extra money. I don't have first months rent and security to get moved into a new place. I would need about $1500 to be able to move out with the kids.
How do I save up that amount and pay for all of our living expenses which include car insurance, gas, rent, utilities and food?
I work but I only make about $750 every two weeks. Maybe I'm just making excuses.
It's entirely possible that I simply have a victim mindset and I am waiting for somebody to come and rescue me.
That's what he says. I just want some white knight to come rolling in.
It's nice when someone else can tell you what your reality is, isn't it?
The biggest issue I feel like I have right now is that my brain is broken. I don't feel that I can trust myself to make decisions. I doubt everything about myself.
I don't even know if I'm real anymore.
Am I even living or is this a nightmare that I can't wake up from?
