Still here.. why?

So, once again, I failed to act. I came so close.

I wasn't able to leave Friday. I chickened out and I couldn't do it.

Things are really starting to get rough though. The water has been off for over a week. I'm getting evicted. We have two days left before the constable shows up. When they do, they will take all of our stuff outside and put it on the curb.

It's embarrassing. Child Services showed up at the house today. She said she was here because of the eviction and the utilities being shut off. She offered to help if she can.

I don't know how anybody can help. I don't think this situation is going to get any better. I hate having that outlook. I'm a positive person. I try to always look on the bright side of things.

What are we going to do, though? Why did I lose my job? I look back and I wish I never would have let it happen. I still blame myself totally. I should blame myself. It's my fault.

I start a new job on Monday, July 31st. I don't know what to do.

I should take the kids to the shelter. I should pack them up, all 3 of them, and start again.

I can't leave him. It feels wrong to abandon him. What if he can't make it on his own?

I have got to get this figured out. Time is running out.